just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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