At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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