You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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