bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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