He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
