I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
