that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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