Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
