New low: just hacked my moms facebook
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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