She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
