She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
