would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
