i permit you to call me
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
