Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
