Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
