I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Will exercising make me less horny?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
