Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
