Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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