Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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