she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
