She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my sisters under your porch take her home
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
