I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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