Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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