Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
