i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
