Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
