I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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