Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
