Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
