Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
