i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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