I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You made out with two different species that night
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
