We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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