you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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