I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
