But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
