The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
