I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
