Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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