I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
