I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
