I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
