Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
