I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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