I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
