I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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