I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
