Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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