I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
