that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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