Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
